Whitesburg KY
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Cell phone drivers dangerous, but still bring us entertainment

Points East

Cell phones are going to cause me to have a truck wreck and I don’t even have one of the blasted things.

If I don’t wreck, I may still yet be a victim because I’m going to get so angry on the one extreme or so wrapped up in laughter on the other that I will have a heart attack.

Twice in the last week, I’ve had ditzy college girls cross all the way from the far right of three lanes to make left-hand turns when they were sitting in the right turn only lanes.

In both cases they were in heated arguments or were at least screaming into cell phones.

The guy beside me and I both sat down on our horns and both of us almost hit the first one as she crossed directly in our paths. She never even glanced our way.

Two days later at the same intersection it happened again. This time a woman with long red hair was beside me and she was involved in an animated conversation that had to have something to do with something that somebody on the other end was not going to believe.

She was jabbering away, nodding up and down and shaking her head, hair flying all over the place, and making waving and flagging motions with her other hand. In other words, neither hand was anywhere close to her steering wheel.

When the light changed I figured it prudent to let her go first or at least get one of her hands on the wheel and then, all of a sudden, whooshhh, straight across both lanes came another left turner. I honked because people behind me were doing the same thing because Carrot Top and I had them blocked.

The guy behind me had yelled, “Hey man, it’s not going to get any greener,” and almost at the same instant ditzo shot across in front of me waving her cell phone out the window as if that explained everything. Apparently she believed that the redhead and I were simply being courteous.

The yeller simply folded his hands before his face and stared skyward. The animated woman beside me mouthed, “Gotta go” into her phone and floored the gas pedal on her Volvo.

I was still laughing when I pulled into my parking slot five minutes later. If you fail to see the humor in the stupidity that cell phones bring out in people at this particular intersection, you could wind up with an ulcer.

The intersection is Lancaster Road and Eastern Bypass in Richmond. It doesn’t matter which way you’re going or turning, you have time to get out and cook a tailgate meal before the light is going to change and allow you to proceed.

And this would be immensely irritating if it were not for cell phone users. I’m reasonably sure that I’m the only person who never uses the traffic stop to call somebody but I still remain amused by it all.

Coming home toward Paint Lick, I’ll see a younger guy in a BMW in the right-turn lane with his jacket off and his tie already loosened and I can tell that he is making a lame excuse. He’s wearing one of those things that look like a giant hearing aid, shaking his head and shrugging with both palms up and running his mouth like a mowing machine. “. . . running ’bout an hour late, baby,” he’s saying. “Had a meeting pop up at the last minute that I absolutely got to get to. See you around seven.”

He catches me watching him, grins and winks.

Meeting my eye.

This guy is headed for happy hour at Hooters and he knows I have it figured out while he hopes the wife has bought his lame excuse. There’s got to be a country song in this situation when I find time to write it.

I used to have a cell phone when they first came out. It weighed about three pounds and had a flip down microphone and dial pad at least as large as regular phone. But they don’t make ’em like that anymore. I can’t see how to use these new little things even with glasses and I can’t hear a word through them.

But even when I had a cell phone, I had enough sense to pull off the road to use it.

I am convinced that the automobile accident rate has gone way up because of cell phone usage and I do believe it’s dangerous enough to drive while you’re paying attention to what you’re doing. If I were in charge of things, driving and using a cell phone at the same time would result in a huge fine and points off the user’s driver’s license.

But I’m not a lawmaker so I’m not going to let cell phone craziness get me all wound up. And besides that, it has gotten to the point that I wish the light change at the intersection of Lancaster and Bypass lasted even longer. Cell phone using drivers may be dangerous but they sure are entertaining.

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