Whitesburg KY

It’s time to bring back ‘real’ songs to shop by

I don’t get out and about as much as I’d like to these days. The last two strokes in October put a serious hitch in my giddy-up.

But when I am able to go shopping, I’d like to just once, between now and Christmas, walk into a store that didn’t have “Little Drummer Boy” on instant replay blaring through the speakers. I don’t want to overdo the Scrooge bit here, but if you hear or read news accounts of some old guy ripping off his clothes while running through the aisles at Wally-world screaming, “TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF! “, that was probably yours truly because I’d heard one rumpa-pompom too many.

Whatever happened to “Gramma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” ? Or “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”? Why can’t they pipe in some real Christmas music for a change? Last year it was that 12 days stuff over and over and over. I was in the sporting goods section and a guy next to me said, “If you’ll go over to hardware and get a chainsaw, I’ll grab a shotgun and shoot all them aggravating bob whites when you saw the pear tree down.”

I said, “But I thought there was only one partridge in that tree.”

He said, “ Nope, where there’s one there’s allus a lot more. That’s what them calling birds are and everybody knows that French hens and turkel doves are actually bob whites.”

We had it all planned out. As soon as he’d “harvested“ the birds, we’d run over to lawn and garden, fire up a grill, and pass out free samples of barbecued quail while telling folks they could buy the Bull’s Eye Barby Sauce that was stacked there right next to the cornflakes over on the far side of the store and that they could get some hiking boots in clothing that would make the last half of the trek over there a lot more comfortable but come back here to check out ‘cause everybody else does since that last guy working register 73 finally quit last week.

“Wonder why they have the Bull’s Eye with the cereal?” I foolishly asked.

He said, “ Heck, son. Where you from anyhow? Don’t tell me you’re one of them fellers that don’t put barby sauce on his Cheerios?”

I said, “Well it does make more sense than having the grated cheese over there beside the ice cream freezer.”

And he said, “ I bet you don’t sprinkle your butter pecan with Parmesan either, do you?”

He said, “If you’d just stop and think about it, there’s a good reason why they put ‘bout everything in this store where it’s handy to get at and easy to find. But I still don’t know why they don’t have the nuts over there in hardware where a man could pick up a hammer to crack .em with.”

Anyway, from all us here on Charlie Brown Road, merry Christmas.

Leave a Reply