Whitesburg KY
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Mostly cloudy

Just shoot the slime

Points East

What if you were walking through the Walmart parking lot and saw a wallet lying on the curb and you picked it up and immediately figured out that someone had dropped it. Curiosity having got the best of you, you sneak a peek and discover the owners driver’s license, fishing license, and the fact that he/she had about $100 in cash along with a few credit cards, insurance information — etc, etc.

What would you do?

I would turn the wallet into the customer service desk at the store and report it found on the street and hope that the person who lost it would be contacted. And that the loser would contact the store.

And so forth. But I place way, way too much confidence in humanity. I honestly believe that people are mostly good and responsible and try to take care of one another.

Last Friday I was parked no more than 50 feet away from the Richmond Walmart Garden Center checkout counter and I paid cash for half a dozen ichiban eggplant seedlings at the counter which is almost at street level and not more than 15 steps in a straight line from the cash register to my truck, which was parked there beside the bagged-up mulch and manure.

I put my plants on the floorboard of my truck, mounted up and drove away.

I proceeded to EW James & Sons Grocery and did some Mother’s Day shopping and when I went to pay, I discovered that my wallet was no longer in my front pocket. I hastened back to Walmart, looked about the place where I had parked, had them call lost and found, and even spoke with the fellow who had checked me out when I purchased the plants. Nothing. Even though I am sure the checkout guy would have seen my wallet fall on the floor had I dropped it. And, as I said, I was parked not more than 50 feet in a straight line from the door.

I drove back to EW’s and cased out the parking lot yet again and gave up. The wallet should have been conspicuous on the pavement there in front of the door or beside the register at Walmart, but all I got from the counter managers when I returned was “duhh.” Nobody had seen a thing even though I was the only customer when I checked out. Sufficed to say that Walmart register operators are not very observant or turn a blind eye to anybody picking up billfolds off the floor.

I called Loretta and had her start canceling credit cards after I had called lost and found to no avail, because she has duplicate cards with 800 numbers on them. Four days after the fact, I went to the courthouse this morning and got new driver’s license at a cost of $12. I’m still trying to get my fishing license restored and I am way, way beyond pissed off .

I had about $75 cash in my wallet and a couple of credit cards and then a slew of insurance and identification cards, license and so forth. And I honestly thought that since I had lost my wallet in front of the garden center, somebody would have found it and turned it in right away.

Common thieves are usually too lazy to do any kind of work, much less shop in the garden center at Walmart to purchase plants that involve digging and cultivation. You don’t normally find common thieves and the slime of humankind around those parts of the store that require work after they make a purchase. They don’t steal seeds and garden plants. Work would be involved and slimekind does not work.

I am in the process, after many hours of work and worry of starting over, of trying to rearrange the privacy that used to be my wallet. I already have a new driver’s license (cost me $12) and I’m working on getting the right to fish again. In the meantime, I have a chain about my waist attached to my wallet and I have applied for a permit to conceal and carry a Smith and Wesson .38 Special. I would love to shoot the person that stole my wallet and save the courts some costs and trouble.

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