Whitesburg KY

Squirrel hunter used unusual ammunition

Spring turkey hunting season is here. If you have the patience and skill, you may get that big tom this year that you have been dreaming about all winter. That is, if you are a turkey hunting fanatic and can sit motionless for long periods of time. If you can meet these qualifications, you may get a crack at a big tom turkey.

I can’t seem to master the art of remaining motionless for short periods of time much less long spells, so I have never bothered trying my luck at gobblers. Hunters in this day and age use a wide variety of weapons different species of game animals. But I must be different and use odd means.

I once hunted with 12-gauge Lifesavers. Now before you go jumping to conclusions, let me explain. And, no, I am not tetched in the head. It’s just that my elevator occasionally fails to go all the way to the top floor. So put your reading specs on and sit back in your old rocker and relax. But be sure to watch out for the cat’s tail, because I guarantee if you rock back on its tail it will derail your whole train of thought.

Anyway, way back when our kids were very young, I got me a hankering for some squirrel gravy. Since you can’t buy squirrels at the supermarket, I figured the only alternative was to go squirrel hunting.

I always hunted with Dad’s old 12-gauge single-shot shotgun because it killed at both ends. Because it kicked so hard, it would almost dislocated your shoulder. I never would load my gun until I got to the spot I planned to hunt.

On this particular day I didn’t plan on long, just long enough to bag one squirrel so I only took a few shells and some water. As an afterthought, I grabbed a couple of rolls of Lifesavers and put them in my coat pocket. I had my shells in a coat pocket, too.

Just as I got in the wood I spotted a squirrel just jumping from one tree to another. I opened my gun and crammed in a shell. I closed the gun as quietly as possible and started stalking that squirrel, but every time I got within range the squirrel would jump over into another tree, and then another.

Each time I got within range, it would put on another acrobatic display. It seemed as if it was playing a game with me. It would stop as if to let me catch up and then it would take off again.

This went on for quite some time over a considerable distance during which time I didn’t see or hear another squirrel. I guess they were all hiding and watching the show. About the time I felt as if I couldn’t go any farther, the squirrel went to the very top of a gigantic hickory tree and stopped. It stretched out on limb as if to rest.

By then I was hungry enough to eat it raw, never mind all the trimmings. And I had drunk all my water, forgetting about the Lifesavers, too. I tried once again to sneak to within range. I got as close as I dared and peeked around the tree I was behind and, sure enough, he was still there.

He was sitting on the limb now and started squawking at me. I slowly raised my gun and took careful aim. As I began to slowly squeeze the trigger, I muttered to myself, “Now, you sucker, I’ll teach you to cause me to traipse all over creation.”

Instead of the customary loud boom, I only heard a dull click. Thinking I had had a misfire, I cocked it again and squeeze the trigger. Again, I heard a dull click.

By now the squirrel had tired of the game and lit out for parts unknown. I lowered my gun in disgust and opened it to eject the bad shell. But there was no shell in it, only a roll of Lifesavers. While fumbling for my shells I had grabbed a roll of Lifesavers and crammed them in my gun. And to add insult to injury, that squirrel acted as if it knew what a blunder I had made.

At first I got mad and then I got so tickled I had to sit down. About this time I figured that surely there was something at home that needed done.

See, I told you I ain’t tetched in the head. I found my way home, didn’t I?

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